Contemplations
by Optophobia
Summary: Steve's innermost thoughts during Darren's funeral.  This is my first fanfiction, so please critique my work.


Damn you, Darren Shan.

Why the hell did you have to take that stupid flyer? Why the hell did you have to follow me, after I told you to go away? Why the hell did you have to become one of them. One of those retched things.

I couldn't believe my eyes. You, Darren Shan, my best friend, are dead. Gone. Passed on.

How dare you fake.

You had everything. Friends, good grades, a little sister, a mom and dad who loved you. What did I have?

Nothing. Only you. Only you, Darren.

You had the nerve to throw everything away when you didn't need to. You have the nerve to feign death and break the hearts of everyone around you. You have the nerve to kill me inside. To cut the last, thin thread of my sanity.

I didn't know my dad, and my mom was always too drunk to care. I was an only child, so I never had anyone to look after or to look up to, and, well, I was strange. I was different. They were scared of me. Everyone was.

Everyone except for you, Darren.

We were both a little off our tops. I guess that's why we were best friends.

Spiders. Monsters. What was it in those two things that made us mix? Did eight hairy legs fascinate you as much as gore and fangs fascinated me? Did six evil black eyes pull you in as much as death and malformation did to me?

But if we were such good friends, why did you leave me? I remember everything we used to do together,.

Everything.

I remember every soccer game, every time we won and every time we lost. I remember when we would pretend we were sick, just so we could skip Mr. Dalton's class and hang out in the bathroom. I remember the way you had come to me, sobbing and red-faced at my feet, after you had killed your favorite pet spider.

I remember Cirque Du Freak. That stupid, horrible place, filled with freaks of nature. The snake boy, the bearded lady, all of them. There were so many of them, and housed inside the hellhole was the most disgusting creature of them all.

A vampire.

Evil, dirty, blood-sucking beasts. Revolting creatures that shun the sun and go against the laws of society, disgustingly sucking the blood after unsuspecting, innocent people.

But they're not immortal.

I know that, and I will kill them.

All of them.

Even if it means I have to die myself in the process.

Even if that means I have to kill you, the person I care most about.

How could you, Darren? What could have ever made you become this…thing. What could have ever made you dream that leaving me would help.

You think you helped me? You think that leaving me to become a gruesome, repulsive vampire would help me? That it would make me forgive you for letting that demon bite me? I would have rather perished under the glistening fangs of your beloved Madam Octa than have you leave me for him.

He will burn with you, that vampire. His screams with join in with yours when I send you both to your fiery graves. When I use my splintering wooden stake to pierce your tainted black heart. When I wrap my fingers around your tiny, pale neck before you can sink your dirty teeth into mine. I will hold you down and stab you repeatedly in the chest until you cease to exist under my shaking hands. And when I finish you, after I rip your heart from your once warm form, I will burn you. I will throw your body into a pile of ash and flames, and I will watch you burn. Then I will kill myself. I will take the very weapon I used to end your life, and I will use it to end my own.

I know exactly how I will end my own life. I won't leave a note behind. I won't try to look nice for my trip to the deepest layers of hell. I will have nothing but the stake that pierced your most vital of organs, bathed in your blood, in my own blood-caked hand. I will bring the sharp, unforgiving end of the wooden knife to my heart, and I will stab myself through. And if I fail, if they find my body and bring me to the hospital, I will try and try again. I will stab myself over and over, until I finally die, my final thought of how we spent each and every day together.

I will free you from the bloody, disgusting life you have chosen, Darren Shan. And when I kill you, when you finally die under my hands, you will go to Hell. You will go to the deepest layer of torture, and you will suffer. You will suffer for becoming the demon you are, and I there will meet you once more.

This is actually really short, but I wanted to post it because I wrote this when I was bored and I was impressed with it. Please critique this work if you have the time. I would love to know how I could better my work. I know it's kind of short, but I promise to work on making my stories at least 1000+ words, at least. Thank you so much for reading. 3


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